Sunday: Sitting, Standing, Singing and Other Aerobic Catholic Exercises

17 Mar

“We are all born like Catholics . . . in limbo, without religion.”
― Yann Martel, Life Pi
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Last month, I had the pleasure of attending the comedy performance of FOUR FUNNY FEMALES in McKinney. One of the funny ladies had a bit about all the confusion with standing, sitting, and kneeling during her first visit to a Catholic Mass. That got me to thinking, wow, that could be very confusing to someone who didn’t have the routine already ingrained. So, what do you think I did? Yes, I recorded all the aerobic maneuvers, gestures, recitations, and sing-a-longs. Well, I may have missed a couple things because it’s more like a memory marathon.

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The first thing you do when you come in is dip a finger in the holy water font and make the sign of the cross (soc1). Then you find a pew or chair, kneel (k) and make the sign again (soc2), say your prayer, make the sign (soc3), and sit (s1). And that’s all before anything has started. Father comes in and we all stand up (su1) and we sing a hymn (sh1). Oh yah, there’s a lot of reciting of prayers, greetings, and verses. Father blesses us, another sign (soc4), then we recite The Confiteor (r1).

Now, that’s all in the first five minutes, so I m going to spare you all the details and cut to the chase. Here are my totals, give or take… 10 signs of the cross, 14 songs or singing verses, (it’s Lent so we didn’t sing a closing hymn), sit 5, stand 5, kneel 4, group reciting 8, shake hands and greet 2, and hold hands for The Lord’s Prayer 1. Are you getting dizzy just trying to keep up?

I can’t imagine what it would be like to attend a religious service where you just walk in and sit the whole time. That would be kinda boring, not to mention not being able to burn off hundreds of calories. We only get that thin little wafer and a tiny sip of wine, so it’s a very calorie friendly service.

If you’d like to worship and get a great workout at the same time, give the Catholic Church a try.

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One Response to “Sunday: Sitting, Standing, Singing and Other Aerobic Catholic Exercises”

  1. vjstracener March 17, 2014 at 12:28 pm #

    Im Episcopalian and I often wonder what our visitors must think of all the motion.

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