Silly Saturday

20 Nov

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up.”

– Mark Twain.

*************

I’ve always been a fan of a really good joke. My problem is that I can never remember too many. I know one long Catholic joke about a priest on a plane that I like to share when traveling. It’s so long and boring that it pretty much takes up the entire flight. 🤦‍♀️ Laughter is the best medicine.

I thought on this gray and gloomy day, I’d take a break from my painting ornaments while singing along with Sinatra, and share a few funny jokes. Maybe they will cheer you up too. I already have a few new favorites… “How much money does a pirate pay for corn? … A buccaneer.”🤦‍♀️. Happy Saturday, my friends.

(Jokes- Compliments of Country Living Magazine and a chilly boring Saturday.)

I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it the last time. 🤦‍♀️

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.

I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.

Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.

What does a pig put on dry skin? Oinkment.

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They’re his watch dogs.

Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

  • Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch cold.
  • What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner’s on me.
  • Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don’t peel.
  • My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
  • What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
  • Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
  • What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.
  • What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
  • What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!
  • Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
  • What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  • How did the pig get to the hogspital? In a hambulance.
  • I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!
  • Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he had a great fall.
  • What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
  • Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.
  • What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? A cocker-poodle boo.
  • How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
  • What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? “Dill me in!”
  • How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.
  • Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
  • Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
  • How did the student feel when he learned about electricity? Totally shocked.
  • What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A Maybe.
  • Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7-8-9.
  • If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
  • I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
  • What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.
  • Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a-salted.
  • How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
  • What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Bison.
  • What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I’m dressing.
  • Why don’t sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
  • A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
  • What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey.
  • What’s black and white and goes round and round? A penguin in the washing machine.
  • How do you organize a space party? You planet.
  • Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
  • Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it.
  • Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
  • What did one hat say to the other? You wait here, I’ll go on ahead.
  • What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
  • I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
  • What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
  • What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
  • How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
  • Why don’t we see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
  • What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s pretty heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
  • Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it’s over your head.
  • I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.
  • A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie was everywhere.
  • What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
  • What’s the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant.
  • What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.
  • Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.

One Response to “Silly Saturday”

  1. cherylabarron November 20, 2022 at 1:42 pm #

    😂😂😂😂😁 thanks!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: