Tag Archives: humor

Tuesday:) Toni’s Continuing Adventures in Grandma-land

21 Dec

“In time of test, family is best.” – Burmese Proverb.


Another busy day in Grandma-land. We worked on some craft projects, colored, played all kinds of games like “Grandma the blanket thief”, and snacked a lot.

The little one wanted some “Daddy Ice Cream.l” this afternoon. Apparently, when she was in the store with Mommy, she saw Daddy’s picture on the Ben and Jerrys ice cream and asked why Daddy’s picture was in there. Cute? Turns out that she thinks Daddy looks like Jimmy Fallon from the Tonight Show. I agree.

Daddy makes good ice cream.
Jimmy Fallon or Joe?

Another fun and funny day in Grandma-land.

Friday:) Fun-filled Adventures in Grandma-Land

17 Dec

“A grandma is warm hugs and sweet memories.” —Barbara Cage


Today was the last morning of early rising and scrambling to get up for school and work. Now, winter break begins. For the little ones.

It’s been pretty cold, and we had a few snow flurries this morning, but nothing to write home about. (Oh wait.l. I am writing home about it…🤦‍♀️) A little white on the roof, but no accumulation… yet. But, it’s on the way. It is Chicago, after all.

Now, for the latest installment of… ELVIS ON THE SHELVIS….

Here is Elvis on the Shelvis with and Elfis.

Happy Friday, my friends.

Saturday:) Some Sorting Out of the Cookie Cabinets

27 Nov

“Always do an inventory before you start a project. Sometimes you already have all you need hiding away.”



What does one do on a dreary drizzly gloomy gray day? First of all, you clean up your mess from the night before. After my Towne Creek arts and crafts and cooking marathon on Friday, I just left everything sitting on the floor until this morning. I was exhausted, After putting things away, I decided that today would be a good day to organize and inventory my baking supply cabinet. I need to get my holiday cookie baking started this week.

When I just glanced in the cabinet before going to the store, I deduced that all I needed was some brown sugar. I have plenty of flour, oats, sugar, etc.

When I got home, I was going to put the brown sugar away, but everything was so messy that I decided to organize the cabinet. Woa! I had a lot more than I expected hiding in there. I probably have 25 or more bags of chocolate and caramel chips. And 6 or 7 bags of marshmallows, lots of powdered sugar and flour. I also have about 20 boxes of brownie mixes, too. But, those are in the pantry. I go through those like crazy. The pantry, that’s another scary overflowing place. I won’t even go there.

So, it’s a good idea to inventory your things every now and then. I’ll let you know when I start my cookie baking marathon. My recipe for Better than Mrs. Field’s Chocolate Chip Cookies is the best ever.

Now, don’t even get me started on my arts and crafts studio upstairs. That is another story. That would be a nightmare!

Happy Saturday., my friends.

Wednesday:) What’s Cookin’ Miss Toni?

23 Nov

“As the holiday season approaches, may your home be filled with lots of love, laughter and yummy smells!!” ~Jesse Joseph


OK, as I was looking up cute quotes for holidays, I saw this one about “As the holiday season approaches, May your home be filled with lots of …” AND THEN my strange bizarre brain filled in the rhyme with lots of roaches. I know, right! My brain is goofy. It’s a gift, it’s a curse.

“It was a dark and gloomy day… I didn’t leave the house, as I had to wait for the Pest Control guy… but that’s another story. Maybe that’s why my brain went there. No roaches, but mice and rats in the attic. Story for another time. After Mr. Joe left with my estimate of $1,100, I dug I to some of my projects.

I put together some containers of my “Bad Ass” brownies. Some to take to Helen’s tomorrow and some for Friday for our Towne Creek art group.

Funny story. I offered Mr. Joe from Barrett’s Pest Control a couple of brownies with the yummy peanut butter cheesecake topping. He took them with him when he left. 5 minutes later, I got a call, “This is Joe from Berrett’s Pest Control. You were right, those are Bad Ass brownies. Thank you.” I just laughed.

After cleaning up the kitchen, i went up to my crap room to finish up my ornament project. I always make such a big mess. Then, I was getting ready to put on my shoes To go to the Dollar Tree to look for some containers and more crafty things to do with my senior artist friends Friday, when I decided to look in my closet in that big mysterious Christmas bin. Maybe something is in there. I found a bunch of containers, crafts, stickers, bags, etc. Then I gathered up some of the goodies that will go in the bags. We are celebrating our Christmas this Friday at Towne Creek. I’ll have to wait till Friday morning to put that all together, because I like to make my famous popcorn, pretzel, cereal, snack bags fresh.

So, I’ve been a busy gal. But, I’m going out to dinner with my neighbor friends at 6, so that will be a nice break from the clutter.

Happy Wednesday, my friends.

Silly Saturday

20 Nov

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up.”

– Mark Twain.


I’ve always been a fan of a really good joke. My problem is that I can never remember too many. I know one long Catholic joke about a priest on a plane that I like to share when traveling. It’s so long and boring that it pretty much takes up the entire flight. 🤦‍♀️ Laughter is the best medicine.

I thought on this gray and gloomy day, I’d take a break from my painting ornaments while singing along with Sinatra, and share a few funny jokes. Maybe they will cheer you up too. I already have a few new favorites… “How much money does a pirate pay for corn? … A buccaneer.”🤦‍♀️. Happy Saturday, my friends.

(Jokes- Compliments of Country Living Magazine and a chilly boring Saturday.)

I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it the last time. 🤦‍♀️

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.

I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.

Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.

What does a pig put on dry skin? Oinkment.

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They’re his watch dogs.

Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

  • Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch cold.
  • What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner’s on me.
  • Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don’t peel.
  • My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
  • What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
  • Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
  • What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.
  • What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
  • What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!
  • Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
  • What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  • How did the pig get to the hogspital? In a hambulance.
  • I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!
  • Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he had a great fall.
  • What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
  • Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.
  • What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? A cocker-poodle boo.
  • How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
  • What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? “Dill me in!”
  • How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.
  • Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
  • Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
  • How did the student feel when he learned about electricity? Totally shocked.
  • What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A Maybe.
  • Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7-8-9.
  • If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
  • I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
  • What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.
  • Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a-salted.
  • How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
  • What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Bison.
  • What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I’m dressing.
  • Why don’t sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
  • A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
  • What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey.
  • What’s black and white and goes round and round? A penguin in the washing machine.
  • How do you organize a space party? You planet.
  • Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
  • Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it.
  • Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
  • What did one hat say to the other? You wait here, I’ll go on ahead.
  • What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
  • I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
  • What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
  • What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
  • How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
  • Why don’t we see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
  • What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s pretty heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
  • Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it’s over your head.
  • I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.
  • A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie was everywhere.
  • What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
  • What’s the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant.
  • What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.
  • Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.

Friday:) Funny Story at WinCo

11 Nov

. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
—Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends


Those of you who know me well know that I am quick with a witty comment, can quote famous people, and occasionally belt out a show tune for no particular reason. In other words, I’m a “smart ass.”

Yesterday, I was all flustered most the day because I left the house forgetting my cell phone charging in the kitchen, 🤦‍♀️ How many of you have done this? I kept telling myself that I would survive for a few hours, but I wasn’t sure.

I stopped at WinCo after our Art Club meeting and lunch to pick up some awesome coupon bargains that came in the mail the other day. Eggs 99c and bacon 99c, of course limit two, but two is good. I walked around the entire store looking for other bargains, thinking I’ll get a bunch of steps in at the store… but NO, how will I know how many steps I took without my phone? 🤦‍♀️

When I got in line to check out, I didn’t have a lot in my cart, so I walked over to a couple in the next aisle who had two full shopping carts. I gave them my coupon for $10 off a purchase of $50 or more. They were very appreciative.

There was a long line, but I wasn’t in a hurry. The lady in front of me had a full cart and put all her items on the counter. She stacked up all the Gatorade neatly, all the can goods were sorted into neat rows. It was a sight to behold. When the checker started ringing her up, she complimented the lady on how organized she was and how it made it so much easier to ring up. It was pretty cool. I wanted to take a picture, but… yep, no phone.

So, while the checker and customer were talking and paying, I had a brilliant idea….

I only had 10 items, so I lined them up alphabetically. (I had to take the picture when I got home-no phone.)

So, when the customer in front of me started to leave, I shouted, “I’m not as organized as you, but I placed all my items alphabetically.” The two ladies laughed and laughed. The checker said, “You just made my day.” I told her that I couldn’t top the organized lady, but maybe alphabetically would be funnier.

2 avocado, 2 bacon, 2 cream cheese, 2 eggs, and two marshmallows. I’m kinda like the Noah’s Ark of the grocery store crowd. (And yes, I’m a smart ass.🤦‍♀️)

Wednesday:) Well, What Did I See on My Walk Tonight?

10 Nov

“I could walk the same path every day for a million days, and I would always see something new and exciting.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis


I’ve been moving kinda slow these past few day. I have a cough, runny nose, headache, and general malaise. Whoever General Malaise is, I’m wearing his uniform. Hahaha. (Not COVID, I tested.) 🤦‍♀️ But, I always find that a lovely walk around the pond brightens my spirits inside and out.

Just as I walked out the door, the guys from the American Legion were putting up my flag for Veteran’s day. I thanked them. My neighbor kitty Sammi thought it looked pretty good too.
The sunset was gorgeous, as usual. I ran into Miss Elke and her puppy Buddy on my walk, and we chatted a while.
A few houses in my neighborhood had their Christmas lights up the day after Halloween. Some people think it’s silly, but I think people should be able to leave lights up all year long. Don’t you?
The magnolia tree across the street from me in the park has a blossom ready to open up any day now. It’s November. Hope springs eternal in late Fall. Just like life, it’s never too late to blossom. The bunnies were enjoying the nice evening too.

Thus, is a day in the life of General Toni Malaise and her walk through life on a festive Fall evening in Texas.

Sunday Sermon and Some Other Stuff

7 Nov

“You know what’s funnier than an amusing priest? An amusing Monsignor.”



Today at Mass we had a visiting Monsignor. I’m not sure what parish or even town he was from. Because I greet and hold the door open before Mass every Sunday, I ever get inside beforehand to hear the introductions and announcements. He was an older gentleman with a cane to get around, but he was pretty funny.

He started his homily with a joke about a priest and a rabbi. 🤦‍♀️ When the children were called up to be dismissed to go to their children’s activities, he had them come up the steps to the altar area because he said he was too old to be going up and down the steps. After asking how the children enjoyed their Halloween and candy, he gave them a blessing and the little ones were slapping his hand with high fives on the way down the steps. Pretty funny.

Here’s Father’s joke…

A priest and a rabbi are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. “Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. “Do you think,” said one clergy to the other, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘Bridge Out’ instead?” 🤦‍♀️

Today’s Gospel was the was the story of the tradition of a widow marrying a brother of her husband if he dies, so she could be taken care of.

From the Gospel according to Luke
Lk 20:27-38

Some Sadducees, those who deny that there is a resurrection,
came forward and put this question to Jesus, saying,
“Teacher, Moses wrote for us,
If someone’s brother dies leaving a wife but no child,
his brother must take the wife
and raise up descendants for his brother.
Now there were seven brothers;
the first married a woman but died childless.
Then the second and the third married her,
and likewise all the seven died childless.
Finally the woman also died.
Now at the resurrection whose wife will that woman be?
For all seven had been married to her.”
Jesus said to them,
“The children of this age marry and remarry;
but those who are deemed worthy to attain to the coming age
and to the resurrection of the dead
neither marry nor are given in marriage.
They can no longer die,
for they are like angels;
and they are the children of God
because they are the ones who will rise.
That the dead will rise
even Moses made known in the passage about the bush,
when he called out ‘Lord, ‘
the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob;
and he is not God of the dead, but of the living,
for to him all are alive.”

My take on it… OMG… If you married seven brothers and they all died on you, the least of your problems is which one will you be married to in heaven. 😳


So, I have his cold/flu thing going on for the past few days. Today in church, I kept coughing with that constant nagging tickle. Thank goodness I had some cough drops. It helped a little, but I didn’t even want to sing or say the prayers out loud in fear that it would come back. I almost left after communion, but I stuck it out.

I did take a COVID test and it was negative. I had something similar a few weeks ago. It may be allergies or some weird stuff in the air. I did have a flu shot last week. Can a flu shot give you the flu?

All in all, it was a pretty quiet lazy Sunday. I spent quite a while trying to figure out how to delete a lot of images on WordPress to free up some room for new photos. The last few days, the photos wouldn’t upload, as I was out of space. I was able to delete all the images for 2013, and Sid has been systematically putting my blog posts on a pdf to save for my diary of the past almost ten years.

The time sure has flown by, but it is kind of fun to see all the photos and read the memories from all these years. Quite the detailed diary, I must say.

Well, I hope you had a great Sunday.

Wednesday:) What’s Happenin’ Miss Toni?

27 Oct

“I keep on thinking on how I’m just so busy, but really, I keep so busy just trying to keep on keepin’ on.” ~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis


Busy week this week. Sunday was church, McD with friends, grocery store, then the St. Gabe 60+ group.

Monday was the Halloween party at the senior center.

Tuesday was Early VOTING at the fire station, Taco Tuesday with Helene, grocery store… again, and dinner with my guy.

Wednesday, today, was my awesome Words With Friends McKinney Writing group. Melissa gave us a prompt of writing about our imaginary friend. I’ll share that another time. Pretty funny. My friend’s name was Tara. Toni and Tara.

Afterwards, I stopped at Towne Creek to rearrange my regular Friday teaching art class to Thursday. I stopped at the store… again…. To get some last minute food items for our art feast. I also need to prepare some art activities.

I’m going to make potato vegetable soup shortly. This is all I’ve gotten done so far.

Kathy across the street and I just got back from visiting our nextdoor neighbor for a couple of hours. Her husband passed away last night and she appreciated the visit and company. She had a lot of beautiful stories to share about her husband of over 50 years.

Time is so fragile and fleeting, my friends. Enjoy every minute. The minutes are numbered. ❤️ Keep busy and keep on keepin’ on.

Tuesday:) Treasured Friends From St. Gabriel the Archangel 60+

25 Oct

Sunday evening, a very large and wonderful group of friends from St. Gabriel gathered for our monthly visit 60+ potluck social. Every month, someone is kind enough to offer their home and host the gathering. Several couples and ladies help to coordinate, prepare, and clean up afterwards.

This month, Dave Manders hosted the social at his beautiful home in Stonebridge. The food was excellent, 5e conversation wonderful, and the company was outstanding. (A few folks were “out standing” on the back porch.🤦‍♀️)

Thank you Dave for hosting again and having a horde of crazy Catholics descend upon your beautiful home. (Hope your home owners insurance is up to date.)
A wonderful group of like minded friends, sharing faith and food and friendship. ❤️