Tag Archives: humor

Wednesday:) Wouldn’t Hurt A Fly

4 May

“I wouldn’t hurt a fly, but it sure isn’t that easy to get that dang fly out of my house.”

~ Toni Armenta Andrukaitis


I not only wouldn’t hurt a fly, but I will go through extreme measures to capture the buzzing creature in order to get him out of my house, and set him free into the wild. 

There was a pesky fly, we’ll call him Floyd, annoying me for two days. Buzz, buzz, around my ears, zooming past my head, landing on my arm. This morning, I opened a window to let in a little cool air in, then later I noticed Floyd lounging on the screen. I’m sure he wanted to get out, but needed some assistance. Ah ha! Here’s my big chance.

 I knew if I tried to open the screen or scoot him out the door, he would just fly around the house again, or worse yet, more of his little friends would come in to join him. Ask me how I know! Been there, done that.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a small clear glass. I also found that glass was better, so I could see where the little bugger was. I positioned the glass over Floyd and waited till he fluttered a bit further into the glasss.

Then, I carefully placed my hand over the glass and walked over to the back door, releasing Floyd outside, to join his friends or to annoy someone else.

Success! Floyd is free and I can sleep tonight without the constant buzzing.

Tuesday:) Toni’s Tip of the Day…Take Your Time

26 Apr

“Wisely and slowly; they stumble that run fast.” ― Hugh Howey


Fortunately for me, I can’t run fast any more, so there’s no chance of me stumbling. Well, at least not while running fast, maybe just tripping over my own big feet. 

Before I went to Chicago on April 5th, I made several trips to Home Depot for mulch and top soil. Three trips in all, with lots of heavy lifting and stacking. (I’m really getting too old for this stuff.)

I bought 25 bags of mulch and 10 bags of top soil in all. I could barely lift them out of my car, and the nice men who put them in the back for me were not able to come home with me. I asked. 

The bags sat around dispersed in front and in the back. Today, I actually had a little ambition, and decided to tackle a few bags. I had to do a little digging, raking, and trimming beforehand, but I decided, “Slow and steady wins the race.” I’m going to take my time working on the mulch and dirt. “It ain’t going nowhere.” (Had to throw in some Chicago talk.)

Take my advice… and in all things, not just with tedious tasks…take your time.

It was getting dark, so I came in. I’ll keep you posted on my progress and completion. But, don’t hold your breath.

Saturday:) A Salute To Statues

23 Apr

“As a sculptor sculpts a statue, an educator educates our future generation. Beauty depends on the creator.” ― Debasish Mridha

I’m a quirky kinda gal, if you haven’t guessed that already. I have my weird traditions and goofy superstitions. I’ve talked about saying “Our Fathers” and “Hail Marys” when I walk or can’t sleep. It keeps my mind from wandering to those dark painful places that I don’t want to go. When I find a lucky penny or feather, I look up to heaven and say thank you. A sign that someone up there is watching out for me.

One of my newer traditions is, when I take my daily walks around the neighborhood, and I pass the same houses, often several times a day, I have a ritual. Some new people moved in a couple of blocks away, and they have this neat statue of a soldier saluting. Yes, you guessed it… every time I pass the soldier, I have to salute.


Right next door, at Mr. VInce and Ms. Bernadine’s house, they have a statue of St. Francis. So, when I pass by their house, I say a little prayer. “Thank you St. Francis for protecting all the little creatures and animals.

A few houses away, there is an adorable statue of a winged fairy, usually surrounded by pretty flowers and greenery. I always say, “Thank you little fairy for watching over the other little fairies, gnomes, woodland and mythical creatures that hide all around us.” ( Anything is possible. Right?.) That’s for my friend Brenda who writes lovely poems and stories about fairies. 

Then, I get silly when I pass by this other house with this statue in the front yard. All I can think of is, “I wish I had some bacon! Maybe a BLT sandwich.” That’s the best I can come up with.

That’s my salute to statues.

Wednesday:) What’s Up Miss Toni? Well, That Would Be Me

20 Apr

I decided to fly through the air and live in the sunlight and enjoy life as much as I could. 

~Evel Knievel*************

What’s Up? ME.  Again. I was up early this morning, getting ready to fly back to Dallas from Chicago. There wasn’t much to pack, traveling with just a single backpack. Then, a relatively hassle free trip to the airport, my sister dropped me off at O’Hare with nearly two hours before my flight. I always rather be too early than too late.

I went through security then walked a good mile before I got near my gate. I stopped at McDonald’s and got a mango smoothie. When I looked around to find a place to sit, I also scouted out someone interesting sitting alone to talk to. This is Dave…

Dave works on electrical transformers all around the country. He does a lot of traveling, and was on his way back home to Ohio. It’s funny how you can learn a lot about a stranger in just a few minutes. I mentioned that I was visiting friends and family in Chicago, and the best part was seeing my new four month granddaughter again. At the same time, we pulled out our cell phones to share grand-baby pictures. He had a little granddaughter too. It was a nice half hour chat, then we both went off to our respective gates. Two strangers sharing some time, some stories, bragging about grand-babies, and off into the sky.

My flight boarded right on time, and ready for the runway at 11:45. Just as we started to taxi  away, the pilot announced that there was a lightning strike nearby, so we had to sit and wait until we were cleared. I was scrunched in the middle seat between two men, one a fairly young man, maybe early twenties, plugged into his headphones. The other, an older heavy set gentelman, wearing a Cubs cap and a smile. As I looked out the window, I noticed the rain pelting against the window. Oh no! I was hoping it wouldn’t be a long delay. Thank goodness, only about twenty minutes and a few Our Fathers and Hail Marys, and we were cleared to go. The skies still looked pretty scary.

As we started taxiing, accelerating, and flying into the stormy clouds, the elderly gentleman on my right made the sign of the cross. Ah, I asked, “Are you Catholic?” He said, “Why yes. As a matter of fact, I’m a Catholic priest. Father Frank O’Mally from St. Catherine’s.” He extended his hand, we shook hands, and I introduced myself. “Nice to meet you.”

Now, I felt much better. I was sitting next to a priest. What could possibly go wrong? I took out my iPad and was looking over my gazillion baby Belle pictures. Both men on either side now had earphones and were listening to music. A few minutes later, the plane started bumping and jostling around. The flight attendants were asked to be seated. I still wasn’t too worried. That is, until the pilot came on the intercom and asked everyone to remain seated with seat belts on. That’s when I noticed Father Frank take out his black rosary and begin to pray. Now, I was getting scared. 

All of a sudden, the plane took a sudden dip, shaking and quaking from side to side. I turned to the praying priest, as he moved from bead to bead on his rosary. Then I pleaded, “Father, Father…do something… do something…Catholic!” The priest contemplated for a second, then took off his hat, handed it to me and said, “Here…pass this hat around, and we’ll take up a collection!”

OK! Ok! That was a joke. Did you see that coming??? I love that Catholic joke. That’s the only joke I could ever remember and found it appropriate for the flight today.

 But, I did poke the man to the right of me when we took off and said, “Before you get settled, let me tell you this Catholic flying joke.” He thought it was funny. 

Actually, our flight was pretty smooth, except for a couple of little flutters. When we touched down safely in Dallas, two hours later, I leaned over and said, “Aren’t you glad we didn’t have to pass the hat?”

Good to be home.

Tuesday:) Toni’s Tip of the Day~ Make Soup While the Sun Shines

19 Apr

“When you wake up each morning, you can choose to be happy or choose to be sad. Unless some terrible catastrophe has occurred the night before, it is pretty much up to you. Tomorrow morning, when the sun shines through your window, choose to make it a happy day.”

~ Lynda Resnick


I know the expression is make hay while the sun shimpnes, but frankly, I don’t know how to make hay.  I didn’t know you could make hay. I thought it grew in the ground. What do I know? I’m not a farmer…

“Make hay while the sun shines” is an old saying that’s considered a proverb. A proverb is an old, usually short saying that communicates good advice or something true. If you make hay while the sun shines, it means that you take advantage of the chance to do something while conditions are good.

Today is my last full day here in Elgin. I was up late writing and reading, so I hadn’t noticed that Mom had already gone downstairs for the arts and crafts workshop here friend Mary Ann was giving at 10. I had promised I would join her. So, I got up and dressed faster than a jack rabbit on hot asphalt on a Texas August afternoon. (That’s pretty fast.)

When I got there, Mom was already cutting, pasting and adding stickers on her note cards. We had a nice time crafting together. “Craft while the sun shines.”

After our crafting adventure, I went to lunch with my sister JoAnn. One last chance to get Chicago pizza. “Eat Chicago pizza while the sun shines.”

We stopped at the store to get the rest of the fixin’s for homemade ham and navy bean soup. We had A LOT of ham left over from Easter, so I started simmering the ham bone and leftover ham in two large pots. Yes, two. I always make a ton. “Make soup while the sun shines.”

While the ham was simmering, Mom, JoAnn and I went outside to sit by the babbling brook, and to enjoy the gorgeous Spring day. It was warm and…the sun was shining. Mom hadn’t been outside to enjoy the sun fresh air in weeks. I’m not sure what the brook was babbling about, but it sounded pretty happy. It was a perfect day. “Sit outside and enjoy the day while the sun shines.”

Now, I have to do A LOT of chopping and cooking to finish the soup. I best get back to the kitchen. Have a great day and remember to “Make hay while the sun shines, or do some crafting, or go to lunch, or sit outside in the sun, or make some homemade soup.” 

If you make some hay, let me know how you did that. I’m still trying to figure it out.

Tuesday:) Toni’s Tip of the Day

12 Apr

“Never cry over spilled milk or spilled pudding. Laugh and play in your food.”

~ Toni Armenta Andrukaitis


I decided to make Mom some chocolate pudding this afternoon. I took out the mixer, milk and chocolate Jello pudding mix. It was all done mixing, so I went to remove the beaters from the base, the first one came out easily, but the second one was stubborn. I yanked and pulled and tugged, and finally it came out with a jerk. As my hand flung out with the pesky beater, I knocked over the bowl of pudding, and it flew across the counter, splattering everything in sight. 

A few chosen expletives came out of my mouth, then I calmly started scraping up the mess with a spatula and a roll of paper towels Then, the lightbulb turned on in my head. I need to play in the pudding a while. I made some designs with the spatula, and then did some finger painting. It was fun. I laughed and licked my fingers, then took a picture. 

A chocolatey heart design because, I love chocolate and there’s no sense crying over spilled pudding. 

Weird Whacky Backwards Wednesday  

30 Mar

“Confusion is just an illusion caused by a contusion, sensory overload, or just old age. I think I have all the above. Space queen.”

~ Toni Armenta Andrukaitis


It was very nice of most of you not to point out that yesterday was NOT Thursday. For some reason I did. So, to compensate for my old brain yet young spirit, I’m going to pretend today is Wednesday and make it all better. Kinda like a reverse time continuum for old people. It can be any day I want.

Today being Wednesday, I continued with my Wild and whacky theme. I went to Zumba. Everyone thought it was our regular Thursday class,  but I knew better. My coordination was in sync with my brain, which means, I was going left when everyone was going right. Don’t be concerned. I do that all the time. No concusion.

After class and a walk, I decided to run to Walmart and pick up some Peeps for my Peeps. I need to make my famous cupcakes soon. I bought ten boxes of assorted colored bunnies and some other groceries, then meandered out to my car. I opened up the passenger car door to put all the stuff in because the next stop was Home Depot for ten bags of mulch, so the back needed to remain empty. 

As I started walking to the driver’s side, I peeked in the back window to see if I remembered a tarp. Hmmm? It looked different. Where’s my plastic tray and tarp? When I went to sit in the car…. guess what? It wasn’t my car. Very embarrassed, I looked around to make sure no one was going to start yelling or shooting (it is Texas, after all.) Then, I nonchalantly got my cart back out, grabbed my five bags of stuff and went searching for an identical red Honda. It was two aisles down.

Yep, I blame it on sensory overload, not old age. I’m sure you’ve done the same thing! All part of  Whacky Backwards Wednesday.