Tag Archives: humor

Friday Friends and a Few Camels

24 Jul

“Just like a caravan of camels walking in the desert, be durable against the adversities of life and walk with decisive steps.”

~Mehmet Murat Ildan

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What a wonderful day! Life is good! I have the most wonderful family, the greatest friends, and more blessings than I can count. After a most awesome afternoon, Helene, Bonita and I went to a gathering of friends from church in Prosper.

Oh my gosh. The 60+ group met at Mike Millen’s home in Prosper this evening. I have never seen such an awesome home, with acres of land, animals grazing in the pastures, and get this… camels. Yes, camels. Everyone should have camels grazing in their backyard.

It was a beautiful evening, perhaps a little warm, but with fans cooling and friends chatting, it was just a perfect evening. It was a potluck dinner, and there was sooooo much food and drink.

The camels seem to enjoy carrots and nibbling on Bonita’s fingers.
A big thank you to Mike and the co-hosts who made this fun evening possible.
Well, it is Friday, after all!
Cheers, my friends! Happy Black Russian Friday.

Thursday:) This Is Me Trying To Get Back To Normal

23 Jul

“It’s funny, but it doesn’t matter if it’s two weeks or two months or two years away from home, it takes a long time to get back to normal.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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I can’t believe I was only gone two weeks visiting family and friends in Chicago. When I got home, I felt like had I run ten consecutive marathons with a full army pack, with no food or drink, then run over by a Sherman tank. Basically, I was fried. I took a long nap, and didn’t unpack or look at the mail. I just vegged.

This morning, I didn’t open my eyes until 11 am, then rolled over for a while. I did muster up the energy to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and check my emails and Facebook on my recently rescued iPad. But, I was still under the covers. My friend Helene called about 1:30 and asked if I’d eaten lunch. Heck, I hadn’t eaten since yesterday afternoon. No energy, no food. So, we met for lunch and caught up on all the latest gossip and world events.

Since my refrigerator was almost totally empty, (quite the miracle) I stopped at the store on the way home. I walked up and down each aisle, deciding what delicacies would grace my cart. Seeing as tomorrow is Friday, I definitely needed ice cream and chocolate almond milk, and some fresh fruit and veggies to counteract the decadence.

I unpacked the groceries on top of the counter, already cluttered with two weeks worth of bills, newspapers and junk mail.

Before I left two weeks ago, Miss Kathy across the street offered to bring in my mail, check the house, and water my plants. I only had one planter in front that she helped me carry to her house, so she could water them when she watered hers. She has so many beautiful plants and flowers. I have one lonely planter box with four little plants still alive and two that were at deaths door. When I walked over to retrieve my garden in a box this evening, my little feline friend ran across the street to greet me.

He said, “Miss Toni, where have you been? I’ve been coming over every day, and you weren’t here! See, I’ve been taking care of your flowers.”
“I missed you so much!”
He tried to follow me in the house. “Sorry, Sammi! I missed you too, but you can’t come in.”

Well, the mail is still on the counter, the suitcase isn’t put away, the clothes not washed, the dishwasher not emptied, but the ice cream and perishables got put away in the fridge. That’s something, right? After all, “Tomorrow is another day.”

That’s right, Scarlet.

Wednesday:) Where In the World Is Miss Toni?

22 Jul


“She felt a little bit worse – and a little bit better – than she had when she got here. Maybe that was the true meaning of going home.”
― Sonali Dev

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Yes, my two weeks visiting family and friends in Chicago is over. Back to Texas.

But, first for my harrowing experience at the airport. My son dropped me off at O’Hare bright and early. I never sleep well before a trip, checking my phone every hour on the hour, in fear of over sleeping. Off to the airport before 7am.

The lines in security weren’t too bad. I almost forgot to put on my mask until I noticed all the masked people. Yikes! I got to security, took off my shoes, sweater, put all my belongings in the bin, and had my iPad on the side. The security person said, “Get another bin for your tablet.” There was a nun in front of me in line, and they had the toughest time with her big rosary and crucifix around her neck. She held up the line going through the metal detector. They had to wand her and pat her down. After I finally got through, I grabbed my shoes, luggage and purse, and just scooted further down to redress.

With plenty of time, almost 2 hours before boarding, I took my time going to gate K19, which was the absolute furthest gate in the terminal. It was quite a jaunt. I stopped at the gift shop, looking at all the Chicago souvenirs. By the time I shuffled to the gate, I was exhausted. My right knee and ankle have been bothering me for a couple of days, so it was good to sit down after that long long walk.

They started boarding at 9am. I knew it would be a little while since I was in group 6 on my boarding pass. I double checked my purse and realized… OH NO… 🤦‍♀️. My iPad was not in my purse. “PANIC!” I forgot to pick it up at security because it was in a separate bin. “SH…….! #*@#¥€£.” Now what? I’d never see it again if I didn’t go back and look for it. Did I have time? It was probably a mile back to security. Decision? I decided to go back and look for it even if I missed my flight.

I ran back through the airport like O.J. Simpson in that old Hertz commercial, for those of you who are old enough to remember.

Yikes!

The only exception was, I ran like O.J. with two casts on, a broken leg, and his arm in a sling. Basically, I hobbled at a turtle’s pace, my heavy Tumi luggage slung over my shoulder, huffing and puffing Through my double mask. I got back to security, pleaded with a gentleman behind a big plexiglass desk. “My iPad, I left my iPad! It was left in the bin. Do you have a lost and found?” I’m sure my red face, obvious limp, and desperation persuaded him to help me. He walked me over to a tiny enclosed office and asked if anyone turned in an iPad, YES! There it was! I thanked him profusely, but I had to prove it was mine. So, I opened it up, and typed in the code. I started to scramble off, but I had to sign a release and signature a line. All I could think of was, do I have time to get back?

I didn’t care, even if I missed my flight, I had my iPad. Now, to limp and hobble at a high speed all the way back to K19 on the other side of the world. I shuffled and scooted and pranced like an old wounded mare. I envisioned me pounding on the closed door, pleading for the plane to wait for me.

Yes! They were still boarding. When I finally got on the plane, I collapsed. Instead of being upset at my negligence, I was impressed with my countenance and good fortune. Life is good! It’s so good to be home!

When I got home, I changed my clothes, took two Tylenol and had a very long, well deserved nap.

Tuesday:) Toni’s Tip of the Day~Make Housework Fun

30 Jun

“If you have to clean your house anyway, be optimistic, make it fun, sing, dance, and play.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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The first thing I like to do when I clean the kitchen is sweep the floor. I have a magic broom that stands up all by itself. (So do you. Try it.) Now, if I could just get it to sweep the floor all by itself, that would be great and would really be magic. I know, some of you out there have a Roomba that sweeps your floor, but being of Hispanic heritage, I prefer to dance or do the Rumba when I sweep the floors.

Two wet towels and just dance along to the music. We used to do this when we were kids. That’s how Mom would get us to help wet mop the wood floors and have fun at the same time.

The reason I had to mop the floor In the first place was, when I was grabbing something from my over crowded pantry, I dropped a glass jar of Alfredo sauce. Instead of being upset, I chose to be optimistic and I said, A. Maybe it’s a sign from above that I really shouldn’t be eating Alfredo Sauce. B. Maybe it’s about time you cleaned your dirty kitchen floors. *You shouldn’t ignore signs from above. When I receive these signs, I like to say, “Lord, You don’t have to hit me upside the head!” But, sometimes He does.

See all the calories I saved? I said, “Thank you Lord for saving me from all those calories.” He said, “Prego!” (Italian for you’re welcome.) It was Prego sauce. See the sign? I didn’t even know God was Italian. Did you?

Montage Monday:) A Week in a Peek

29 Jun

“Your Monday morning thoughts set the tone for your whole week. See yourself getting stronger, and living a fulfilling, happier and healthier life.”

Germany Kent

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This is so funny, well not really. I was going through some photos and videos, trying to gather up my blog post for Toni’s Tuesday Tip of the Day. I spent about half an hour uploading or down loading (I never know which is which) a video to YouTube when I realized that it was only Monday.🤦‍♀️ Boy, wouldn’t I be embarrassed if I did that! Not really. Most of you know that I’m old and goofy and crazy and forgetful. Where I lack in cognitive acuteness, I compensate with amazing creativity, humor, and modesty. (Not to mention an expansive vocabulary.) 🤦‍♀️

Here’s a week in a peek…

Sunday Sermon and Some Other Stuff

28 Jun

“I believe that miracles happen every day. Every person is a miracle. Every moment is a miracle. If only we can open our eyes, we’ll see God’s love everywhere.”

Bo Sanchez

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A lovely Sunday morning. Well really, it was hot, steamy, and I didn’t sleep well, but I was more than happy to jump out of bed at 7 to get ready for church. Actually, I didn’t jump. You know, old bones, arthritis, osteoporosis, a sore knee, my ankle is swollen, and my back has been acting up. I’ll rephrase that…I gingerly limped and hobbled out of bed.

I arrived at church around 8:30, lit a candle and proceeded to my pew. Mr. Jerry was saving my seat, and I scooted over to save two more seats for Helene and Bonita. I started out kneeling and saying a few prayers before Mass started. One of the fervent prayers was a petition that my knee wouldn’t hurt so much when I’m kneeling. 🤦‍♀️ I kneel to pray, and pray to kneel.

Today’s Gospel Was the story of Jesus being asked to heal the daughter of one of the rulers in the synagogue. On His way there, a woman in the crowd approached Jesus…

27She had heard the reports about Jesus, and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. 28For she said, “If I touch even his garments, I shall be made well.” 29And immediately the hemorrhage ceased; and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. 30And Jesus, perceiving in himself that power had gone forth from him, immediately turned about in the crowd, and said, “Who touched my garments?”

The cured woman was afraid that what she had done would make Jesus angry. Instead … 34And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”

While in transit, the ruler received word that his daughter had died. Jesus insisted on going anyway, “But ignoring what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue, “Do not fear, only believe.” When they arrived, people were mourning and weeping. Jesus went in, took her by the hand and said, “Little Girl, I say to you arise.” The little girl got up, and Jesus told them to get her something to eat.

My take on it… just like the sick woman who believed that touching the Lord’s garment would heal her, she believed it, so it came to pass. The ruler believed that Jesus had miraculous powers, so the little girl was given life. The power of faith is a very miraculous force.

So, what else did I do this weekend. I was pretty lazy. Yesterday, I decided to clean out my fridge. I had spilled some iced tea and there were other spills and possible creatures growing in my fridge. That took quite a while. I didn’t want to leave the fridge door open too long. So I emptied one shelf at a time, setting items on the counter and washing and drying each scuzzy shelf.

Of course, I had to taste a few things to see if they were still good. I didn’t taste the jar of pasta sauce that had fluffy green and grey stuff floating inside. Then, there were a few items that I remember putting in there during the Lincoln Administration. Those got tossed. So, I did a pretty good job of cleaning and organizing.
See, all neat and tidy. And there’s even a little room. (That won’t last long.🤦‍♀️)

Happy Sunday, my friends. And like the group JOURNEY sang, “Don’t Stop Believin’ “

Saturday:) So You’re Afraid To Go To The Dentist? Do not fear…RED OAK Is Here.

26 Jun

“You don’t have to brush allyour teeth, just the ones you want to keep.” —Unknown

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Be honest, are you terrified of going to the dentist, even for a routine cleaning? It never fails, just when you think your teeth are just fine, you get the old, “You have a couple of cavities.” Or, “We’re going to have to do a root canal.” Then, there’s the dreaded, “That tooth needs to be removed and replaced with an implant.”

I’m not sure what scares me more, the fear of a scary painful dental procedure or the thousands of dollars it costs just for one dang tooth and no dental insurance.Personally, I have one tooth that I call my “$10,000 tooth.” It has gone through fillings, a root canal, crowns and an implant. The same dang tooth. I always joke and say, “I think my teeth have put my dentist’s kids through college.” I’m sure you can relate.

After almost 17 years of going to the same dentist’s office and many costly procedures and one too many questionable suggestions, I decided to change dentists. My friend Loretta has recommended her dentist for a few years. He was her neighbor and good friend. Many of our mutual friends have switched over to Dr. Do over at Red Oak Family Dentistry.

My friend Helene went over there last month to register and get an appointment. The earliest availability for a routine cleaning was in September , so I decided I better get my name on the list. I walked in on Tuesday, expecting maybe October or November, when the receptionist said, “How about Friday at 9am?” What? I asked, “This Friday?” She explained that there was a cancellation, so I jumped on it. Wow! Lucky me.

When I arrive on Friday, the staff was very sweet and polite. One lady asked for my drive’s license for ID and asked, “When was your last cleaning.” I replied, “Sometime 2019 B.C., before Covid.” They laughed.

My hygienist, Jessica, was sweet as could be, and talked me through all the X-rays and procedures. I joked around with her, but it was more to calm my nerves than to be funny. (Although, I am very funny.🤦‍♀️) My blood pressure was 156 over 89 when I arrived, which is crazy high for me. Usually I’m in the coma range of 117 over 75. I guess I was still nervous.

Isn’t she cute! Beautiful eyes. A few more jokes and small talk and I settled down.

The examination, X-rays and extensive tests of gums and teeth were very thorough. And, not once did she scold me for not flossing. I was honest and said I only floss on days that start with Q. I be bad. No cavities or significant problems were discovered. (My other dentist ALWAYS found something wrong that needed attention.) When she was finished with all this, about an hour and a half later, then Dr. Do came in for the follow up check.

Isn’t he cute! He also is a parishioner at St. Gabriel and advertises in our church bulletin. Nice! A Catholic dentist. I’m sure we have a special saint for that. We Catholics have a Saint for everything. Maybe Saint Bicuspid? Anyway, he went over every little detail and X-ray result with Jessica. Then, he did his own personal exam. He said I had a few minor things going on, receding gums, overcrowding, etc. , but nothing serious.

So, to make a long story even longer, I highly recommend RED OAK FAMILY DENTISTRY at 5345 W. University Dr. #200, to all my friends, neighbors and total strangers in the McKinney area. Thank you Jessica and Dr. Do.

Yep, I did that. I bet you do too. 🤦‍♀️

Theme Song Thursday:) “Here I Go Again”

25 Jun

“Did you ever have one of those days where everything was just going perfectly? No? Me neither!”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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The day started out nice and quiet, but then I was getting calls and texts from friends and family saying the emails they sent to me were bouncing back with a different account and saying my mailbox was full. Well after a lot of investigating and then a lot of super tech support, it looks like the problem was cleared up. I can get and send email on my phone. Great, right?. But now, I can’t access my email on my iPad. I tried everything. I live on my iPad! 🤦‍♀️

Earlier, when I was washing some dishes and cleaning the sink, I turned on the garbage disposal. Now, I very rarely ever use it. Guess what? Dead as a doornail. No problem. I’be fixed it before. I even fixed Miss Kathy’s when she was on vacation. How hard could it be? 🤦‍♀️

I got out my handy dandy tool from the last time I fixed it, and gave it a twist. It didn’t twist. I pushed the reset. Nada! (Lucky I don’t get manicures, this is messy business.

Yes! I unplugged the power and scooted a knife around before I stuck my hand in there. I wasn’t taking any chances. Not the way my day was going.

I even went back onto YouTube to watch a refresher Video on how to repair your garbage disposal. I did all the suggested tricks, except for removing the entire unit. Still nothing.

So, I did what any frustrated garbage disposal repair person would do. I left all that stuff and towels and cleansers and crap from under the sink cabinets on the floor and had a glass of wine. Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow or maybe I just won’t use the *#@&#* blankity blank garbage disposal ever again. 🤦‍♀️

Wednesday:) Words of Wisdom

24 Jun

“If at first you don’t succeed, turn off the vacuum and read the darn directions.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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My friend Karen inspired me years ago with her cleaning regiment. She had her Maintenance Monday routine down to a science. I tried that, but my Monday was always busy. I tried “Taking care of tasks Tuesday,” but I’d always be out having lunch or something. Today, I was determined to try “Work Around the House Wednesday.” I usually don’t have plans on Wednesday. So, I wasted most of the morning with podcasts, Facebook, and emails, before tacklingWork Around the House Wednesday.

After a little lunch and some mindless tv, I didn’t want to surrender to Wasted Wednesday. I stripped the bedding and threw the big clump in the washer. Then, I went in the closet and took out My Sharona, the Shark vacuum. I emptied the dirt canister, and took a knife to all the long brown hair tangled around the roller. This was a big time consuming job. There was a lot of hair. Maybe I should get a crew cut.🤦‍♀️

I vacuumed around the kitchen, living room, dining room, and hallways. Sharona seemed to be working ok as I went from room to room. But, I noticed that there wasn’t much accumulated in the dirt canister. Hmm, carpet must not be too dirty.

My Sharona SUCKS!!!! Literally. My vacuum cleaner, named Sharona, was going through the motions and making that sucking noise. Well, when I unplugged the chord in the front hall to go into the bedroom to change outlets, I noticed the on switch had something written on the side.

Oops, I had the switch on bare floor and not on brushroll. I had done all that vacuuming without the brush roller going. so, all it did was suck up a little and make noise. I was too lazy to re-vacuum all those other rooms again, so I just vacuumed the bedroom and all of a sudden, the dirt bin was pretty full just from the bedroom, and I could see the brush marks on the carpet.
Lesson learned. Read the instructions! Oh yes, and put on your glasses.

Being the optimist that I am, I decided that NOW I will know the right way to vacuum in the future. Hmm, but I’m not too sure about always reading instructions.

Saturday:) Saving Worms and Other Such Silliness

13 Jun

“Life is dear to every living thing; the worm that crawls upon the ground will struggle for it.”

Solomon Northup

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Did you ever notice that after the rain, there are all these poor worms on the scratchy concrete sidewalks trying to make their way back to the grass?

Oxygen diffuses easily through air, and the soil stays aerobic because oxygen comes in from the surface.” But after a rain, the soil pores and the worm burrows fill with water. … “The worms can’t get enough oxygen when the soil is flooded, so they come to the surface to breathe.”Jun 29, 2007

https://news.wisc.edu › curiosities-af…

But after the sun starts to shine again, those thirsty worms are in danger of getting trapped aboveground, as exposure to bright sunlight can temporarily paralyze them. “So, a worm comes to the surface while it’s raining, then the sun comes out and the water on the sidewalk evaporates quickly. The worm’s skin is getting drier and it can’t move because of the light, so it will dry up and die,” Sherman warned.

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The first time I encountered sad struggling worms on the sidewalk, I couldn’t stand to see them suffer. I also couldn’t stand the thought of picking up a slimy wiggly worm. But I thought to myself, “Self, how would you feel if you were desperately trying to get back to a safe place, but you were struggling in vain, crawling on hot gritty concrete with no hope of salvation?” So now, I bend down and pick up the exhausted member of the phylum Annelida, otherwise known as Lumbricina. I place them gently on the nearby grass in hopes that they will survive. It breaks my heart to see them suffer.

Speaking of hearts, did you know that worms don’t have just one heart? They have five hearts, not as complicated and fancy as ours, but still five. And Swedish scientist studying worms believe that they can feel pain. Thus, if you have a chance to save a worm from some pain, please, “Don’t go breaking their hearts.”

We have had SO much rain lately here in North Texas. I have saved many a wiggly worm. I don’t get squeamish any more, but I do flinch a little when they get startled and go into a crazy wiggling frenzy. I just talk nice to them and say, “It’s OK.” And NO, they don’t talk back to me. They are worms after all.