Tag Archives: humor

Wednesday:) What Would I Do If I Knew How to Sew?

19 Oct

Forgiveness is the needle that knows how to mend.

~ Jewel

I never learned how to sew, thread a needle, or mend. Forgiveness isn’t always in my sewing basket either.
~ Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

**************************

I always envied people who knew how to sew. My mother was and still is an excellent seamstress and creative sewer. Both my older sisters could look at a dress or blouse or anything made of fabric, and just whip it up on an old Singer sewing machine in no time. Personally, I can spend 45 minutes trying to figure out, with manual in hand, how to thread the needle. And don’t even get me started with the bobbin thingy down below that secret trap door metal plate. What’s that all about?

Anyway, I saw this cool picture of a fabric flower made with old denim. If you know how to  sew, I bet you can make this. Give it a try. And if you do, can you send me one please? 

I probably could get as far as cut and tear, but they lost me at sew along fold and stitch.

I wonder if I could use a glue gun? 


Thank you to betweenthelines.blogspot.com for the inspiration.

Saturday:) Sometimes You Wake Up Like…

15 Oct

Every day, I like to wake up and remind myself to be grateful of the simple things.

~ Miranda Kerr

***************

Every morning, I wake up with a smile on my face, just happy to be alive. My blessings are many. My mind and spirit are very young at heart. 

This is how I feel when I wake up every morning… Life is a beautiful fairy tale.

Then, this is how I actually feel when my feet hit the floor… Reality sets in and the old bones and aches and pains speak out. A young spirit imprisoned in an old body. 


Old age isn’t fun, but it beats the alternative. 

Enjoy each day while you can. 

Friday:) Fitness and Futility…Go Hand-In-Hand

30 Sep

Change is the only constant, and to turn one’s back and pretend that it is not coming is an exercise in futility. 

~Anthony Carmona

******************

I got up bright and early this morning. Well, it wasn’t that bright. It was a dark drizzly morning. And, it wasn’t so early. I set my alarm for 8 am. That doesn’t sound that early, but when you go to bed at 3 am, that’s kinda early. My neighbor Diane picked me up and we went over to the YMCA. She took the yoga class and I rode the stationary bike and did some machines. I went around 7 miles at about a 5 minute to a mile pace. The machine said I burned about 314 calories. Heck, that’s about two Oreo cookies, right?


I worked on the machines for upper body and arms. I have no arm strength to speak of, and the lowest setting was about my max, and I still grunted and puffed air out like I was pressing 100 pounds instead of 20. 

When I got home, I did not pass go. I drank a tall glass of water, grabbed my umbrella for “just in case”, and walked my usual long neighborhood route.

Ah, I was feeling fine and fit. But, The entire purpose was because I was going out to lunch. 314 calories was a drop in the proverbial bucket. Jason’s Deli has that little ice cream dispenser that you can just help yourself. Oh no! 

Futility reigns again. So, back on with the gym shoes and another walk around the neighborhood. Wouldn’t you know it, Mr. Larry’s garage was open and I was forced against my will to sit with him and Miss Sandy and drink a beer. 


This is my fitness routine. Exercise, walk, lunch, ice cream, walk, beer, and then to make matters worse, today is Friday. BLACK RUSSIAN FRIDAY!!! A lesson in futility.


Friday:) Cleaning Frenzy…This Too Shall Pass

22 Sep

“From time to time, one must release the grime built up inside them to to free their emotions like the ocean.” ― Suzy Kassem

***************

As soon as I woke up this morning, I called my mother, got dressed, put on my gym shoes, and prepared for my morning walk. But, today was the day I decided I needed to do some housework. I keep putting it off. Before I walked out the door, I took the vacuum out of the closet and set it in the middle of the hall. This way I’d have to bump into it every time I walked into the kitchen or bedroom. Smart…right? I did that one time, and I walked around it an entire week before I shoved it back into the closet, unused. Today would be different.


It was a warm sunny morning, but a few puffy clouds spanned the sky, a slight breeze made the brisk walk tolerable. 


After my long steamy walk, I took a few minutes to sit under the ceiling fan, drank some ice water, and stirred up the energy to start cleaning. 

My problem is, once I get started cleaning, I get possessed. I guess that’s a good thing. But,  ow I’m exhausted. I started out vacuuming all the downstairs carpets and tile floors. Well, I noticed a few drips and spills on the kitchen tiles, so I got an old towel and mopped the floors with my shoes, making it an aerobic adventure at the same time. I can get under the cabinets better that way.


Then I cleaned two bathrooms and scrubbed the toilets, and ran upstairs and cleaned the guest room bath, too. Then I ran down and started cleaning the master bath. Oh my, those baseboards are dusty and dirty. I’ll have to brush them off and wash them. How do they get so dirty?

After the bathrooms were done, I tackled the kitchen, filled the dish washer, and cleaned off the counters.


I was going to go for an evening walk, but I’m just too pooped. I’m going to dinner with my neighbor Kathy, and don’t forget…It’s Black Russian Friday. Time to quit and enjoy the rest of the evening. My work here is done.

Hopefully this cleaning frenzy thing will not come back for a while. I wonder if they have a pill or shot for that?

Tuesday:) Toni’s Tasty Tip of the Day

13 Sep

“If God had intended us to follow recipes, He wouldn’t have given us grandmothers.” ― Linda Henley

***************

I’m not the world’s greatest baker or cook, but perhaps one of the most prolific. I just love to create things in the kitchen, and mass quantities of the stuff. I may start out with a basic box or mix or recipe, but then I mess around with it until I’ve created a masterpiece. Must be the artist in me. The kitchen is my second art studio.

Today, I’m going to share the secret to my triple lemony mini cupcakes. (Don’t tell anyone…it’s a secret.) But, I did have over a dozen people tell me how delicious they were and asked for the recipe. Recipe? “We don’t need no stinkin’ recipe!”


I start out with two boxes of lemon cake mix and a can of lemon frosting.(Doctored up later) What kind you ask? A special kind. It has to be on sale. Never pay full price for cake or brownie mixes! The same goes for frosting mix, on the rare occasion I use canned. The way I go through them, it would cost me a fortune.

I make the mix as per directions using my harvest gold Hamilton Beach hand mixer my mother bought me in 1975 for a wedding gift. The mixer still works great, never disappoints, and has been my constant companion. Can’t say the same for the husband. (A little divorce humor,) 


Oh, I forgot! The first thing I do is make a funny face with the mix. This one is an artist, in honor of my friend, Annie Royer. I was making some cupcakes for her Gallery reception at the Martin Place last Saturday. Also, I wanted to take some to my fire stations for 9/11.


When you do as much baking as I do, it’s wise to invest in some humongous cupcake pans. I have several. This one holds 4 dozen minis. I have three. 

I line the pans with the mini paper cup liners, then scoop about a tablespoon of lemon cake batter. Then, I place a slice of marshmallow, as you see in the first photo. I ran out of minis, so I took a large marshmallow and cut in thirds with scissors, actually works better because they are perfectly round and sit on top nicely. Push it down a little because they puff up when baking. I place a tiny, maybe 1/2 teaspoon of lemon pudding on top of that. (I bought pre-made pudding because the dry mix was $1.29 a box and I’d have to buy milk too. This 4 pack was on sale for 99 cents. Yay!) 

Because these are minis, you have to watch them carefully, they bake fast. How long? Before they burn! Been there…done that. While the first batch cools, I toss in another couple of pans. Two boxes of mix makes well over 140 cupcakes. Really!

I’m not a huge fan of canned frosting, but I had bought some….because….they were on sale! But, I did make some homemade cream cheese frosting to add to the canned. I added a little lemon juice instead of milk to the butter, cream cheese and powdered sugar, (no vanilla) then combined both. I frosted a swirl on top of each with the pastry bag my sister JoAnn bought me as a gift from the Dollar Store. (She knows me well.) Yummy!


Well, that’s the secret recipe. The biggest part of the recipe is sharing with as many people as possible. I had enough for Miss Annie’s reception, two fire stations, a few neighbors, and of course, several that I needed to sample for “quality control.”


Wednesday:) Words of Wisdom~ Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk…Now Chocolate Chip Cookies, That’s Another Story.

6 Sep

“I burned off 1,600 calories today. Unfortunately, it was only because I burned eight chocolate chip cookies and they went in the garbage.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

**************************

I don’t cry over spilled milk. There’s always more milk in the gallon. But, it is a very sad thing when I burn a batch of chocolate chip cookies. 

Note to self…never step away from the oven while baking cookies.


I figure my cookies were probably even more than 200 calories each because I use real butter, real sugars, real eggs, and lots of real chocolate chips. It was real hard to see the burned ones slide into the trash. Plus, I had to open up the windows to get rid of that yucky burnt smell.

Tuesday:) Today, Caught on Tape

6 Sep

“Silence is the invisibility of talking. I’d take half an argument over half a silence any day. And I’d take peace and quiet over a full-blown argument any other day, unless it’s Tuesday.” ― Will Advise

*****************************

I thought today would be a good day for a little humor. I’m not very funny, so there will be very little humor.



I hope you had a wonderful Labrador weekend…Now, back to work and your busy life.