Tag Archives: humor

Wednesday:) What’s Cookin’ Miss Toni?

27 Jul

“When you stop playing with your food, you stop enjoying life.”

~ Toni Armenta Andrukaitis


I made some brownies this afternoon. And yes, I had to make a funny face before I started mixing and fixing. After all these many years, I often think, “No, you don’t need to make a face in the brownies.” Then, my creative brain says, “Ah, common. It”ll be fun.”

The brownies were yummy, and I shared them with Lynard, my landscaping guy, my church group, and a few neighbors.

Oh, and here’s an example of how I place fresh white bread pieces to keep them fresh a few more days. I’ll cover with foil and they’ll be perfectly moist. Actually, they’ll be gone by tomorrow evening. 

Another thing I’m very good at making is mold and dehydrated citrus fruit. Can anyone say…penicillin?

It’s called cleaning out the fridge and making scary discoveries. 

Wednesday:) What’s With The Cleaning Frenzy?

20 Jul

“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?” 

― Erma Bombeck


First of all, today is Wednesday again. Yesterday, I posted that it was Wednesday until my friend Mary commented on my post that it was only Tuesday. I lost a day. Where did it go? I changed it later. So, not only am I a space queen, but sometimes I get OCCD. Yesterday, it was compulsive cooking. Today, it was compulsive cleaning.

I started out the day by stripping the bed, throwing it all in the laundry, going for a walk in the blistering heat, then coming home to drink four glasses of ice water, then emptied the dishwasher. While doing that, I noticed the tile floors were all spotted and grimy, and could use a sweep and a mop. When I opened the blinds to get a better look, I saw the the window sills had little cobwebs and dust. Oh no!

Then, I had to dust all the blinds and sills. With all that dust floating around, I got out the broom and swept the floor. While I was at it, I might as well sweep the rest of the house. Wow, looks like the carpet in the family room could use a vacuuming. Oops, let’s not forget all the other rooms. I don’t take out that Hoover that often. Might as well make it worth my while. I even vacuumed all the tile floors because, after all, I was going to have to mop them all anyway, and didn’t want the mop to get all full of dust bunnies.

I even used the tubey extendy thing and sucked up the baseboards and corners. By now, I was possessed. One thing led to another. I couldn’t stop. OCCD. (Thank goodness it’s only a seasonal thing. Like once a year.)

Next came out the mop. The mop was safely hidden in the deep recesses of the garage. Darn! I found it anyway.

Kitchen, two bathrooms, entry, hall, and laundry room. Check. I took the little rugs and mats outside and beat them against the house. They didn’t do anything bad, they were just dusty. Then, the dryer went ding, and the sheets were dry and ready. Go make the bed.

Oh, those poor stairs. When’s the last time I vacuumed those stairs? The new little vacuum I bought months ago was still unassembled in its box. I put it together and laboriously worked on each step, fourteen or fifteen.

Aren’t you exhausted just reading all this? My sister called just as I was giving the kitchen floor a final rinse, so I took a break.

Well, I decided that was enough. I was going to dinner with Kathy across the street, so I needed to shower and change. We had a nice dinner, and I got home around 8 o’clock. When I walked in the door, I admired my nice clean floors. I decided I needed a little something sweet, so I opened the cabinet to look for my stash of chocolate covered raisins.

Oh no!!! Those cabinets are in such a sad state of clutter. After I post this, I have a late night project to keep me busy. OCCD. Compulsive Cabinets. I sure hope this frenzy is gone when I wake up tomorrow. I’m exhausted. I don’t think there’s a support group for this, because everyone is home cleaning their house. 

Taco Tuesday:) What’s Cookin’ Miss Toni

19 Jul

“Nothin’ says lovin’ like massive quantities of home cooked meals.”

~ Toni Armenta Andrukaitis


(Thank you Mary Hodits- it’s Tuesday not Wednesday. Maybe the Texas heat and all the cooking has fried my brain.)

I suffer from a very serious and little known disease called OCCBD. Those initials stand for Obssesibe Compuslsive Cooking Baking Disorder. When it comes to cooking and baking, I don’t have a shut off valve. I don’t know how to cook for one, and they don’t have a support group in my area where I can get help. So instead, I just cook and bake with reckless abandon, feeding firemen, neighbors, friends, and occasionally total strangers.

I’ve been trying to use items I have squeezed and crammed in my freezer. I had some ground beef and decided to make tacos on Sunday. I invited a couple of friends for dinner, trying to use up tortillas and other left overs. I made tacos and quesadillas, served with some homemade sangria.

But, here’s the problem. There was a little ground beef left over, but not enough to make anything substantial. So, I boldly scoured the recesses of the freezer and found some ground pork sausage. Ah, I’ll make some penne pasta. Not just a little, but a big vat of it, of course.

I told you, I have that disorder. I took some over to Kathy’s. I just let myself in with my key and left it in her fridge with a note. She loves my surprises and she hates to cook. Good combination. I made some for my neighbor Mr. Mike and then took some over to Sweet Spot Bakery and had a late lunch with my friends Kathy and Elizabeth.

There’s a tiny bit more room in the freezer, but now the fridge is over loaded until I dispense most of the food frenzy.

If you know of a good support group I can join, please let me know, otherwise… come on over for dinner. There’s always somethin’ cookin’.

Wednesday Words:) Preachin’ Politics In The Parking Lot

29 Jun

We are apt to forget that children watch examples better than they listen to preaching.

~ Roy L. Smith


My excitement for today was a trip to Home Depot with Jim. I love hardware stores, and we walked up and down the aisles admiring toolbelts, screwdrivers, and various power tools. We were looking for some treated wooden fence posts for my back yard. My fence is falling apart. The last windy day, an entire section was almost horizontal, flapping in the wind. A couple of posts are rotten at the bottom. Jim offered to fix and repair the problem, but they didn’t have the posts we needed. As for now, I have bags of mulch holding up the fence.

But, I did buy a new ladder. Finally! My sister, Jo Ann, will be happy. She sent me a check a long time ago to get a new ladder to replace my old wooden rickety one. Then, we spent over an hour enjoying the tool aisles, 2 by 4s, solar lighting, and outdoor landscaping materials. Wow! Fun!

As we wheeled our shopping cart, complete with a new six foot ladder, we said hello to the lady getting into her car right next to us. She had some paving stones in her cart, and Jim offered to load them in the back of her Honda. The conversation started off with comments about her Honda and his Honda and what great cars they are. A few cordial words later, somehow unbeknownst to me, the subject slipped into politics, news reporting, taxes, and the great state of Texas. 

Uh oh!!! Jim, who has been a university history professor in Oklahoma for over thirty years, started rattling off dates, places, presidents, national policy, and more information about liberals and conservatives than I could keep,up,with. Fortunately, we were parked under a shady tree, and the conversation probably continued for over  twenty minutes or more. Since we had become so well acquainted in a short time, I finally introduced myself, and we shook hands.

As well you know, if you know me well, it was “SELFIE TIME.”

This is Jamie on the left, and Jim and me in the Home Depot parking lot. Jim apologized for preaching politics in the parking lot, but I always find it interesting because he is so well read and has such a wealth of knowledge about history, that he can share information and make you  really think about our society and government, past and present.

Before we parted, I gave my new parking lot friend my card with my name, phone, and email address, and told her to feel free to call me sometime, as she was new to McKinney. 

When we got into the car, I told Jim, “You could talk the fleece off a lamb.” I think he’s the smartest person I’ve ever known, and those are the kind of teachers and professors we need teaching our young people. He also practices what he preaches. It’s really nice to have friends who are very smart and  yet handy with a table saw and a hammer. Thanks, Jim.

Wednesday:) Wouldn’t Hurt A Fly

4 May

“I wouldn’t hurt a fly, but it sure isn’t that easy to get that dang fly out of my house.”

~ Toni Armenta Andrukaitis


I not only wouldn’t hurt a fly, but I will go through extreme measures to capture the buzzing creature in order to get him out of my house, and set him free into the wild. 

There was a pesky fly, we’ll call him Floyd, annoying me for two days. Buzz, buzz, around my ears, zooming past my head, landing on my arm. This morning, I opened a window to let in a little cool air in, then later I noticed Floyd lounging on the screen. I’m sure he wanted to get out, but needed some assistance. Ah ha! Here’s my big chance.

 I knew if I tried to open the screen or scoot him out the door, he would just fly around the house again, or worse yet, more of his little friends would come in to join him. Ask me how I know! Been there, done that.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a small clear glass. I also found that glass was better, so I could see where the little bugger was. I positioned the glass over Floyd and waited till he fluttered a bit further into the glasss.

Then, I carefully placed my hand over the glass and walked over to the back door, releasing Floyd outside, to join his friends or to annoy someone else.

Success! Floyd is free and I can sleep tonight without the constant buzzing.

Tuesday:) Toni’s Tip of the Day…Take Your Time

26 Apr

“Wisely and slowly; they stumble that run fast.” ― Hugh Howey


Fortunately for me, I can’t run fast any more, so there’s no chance of me stumbling. Well, at least not while running fast, maybe just tripping over my own big feet. 

Before I went to Chicago on April 5th, I made several trips to Home Depot for mulch and top soil. Three trips in all, with lots of heavy lifting and stacking. (I’m really getting too old for this stuff.)

I bought 25 bags of mulch and 10 bags of top soil in all. I could barely lift them out of my car, and the nice men who put them in the back for me were not able to come home with me. I asked. 

The bags sat around dispersed in front and in the back. Today, I actually had a little ambition, and decided to tackle a few bags. I had to do a little digging, raking, and trimming beforehand, but I decided, “Slow and steady wins the race.” I’m going to take my time working on the mulch and dirt. “It ain’t going nowhere.” (Had to throw in some Chicago talk.)

Take my advice… and in all things, not just with tedious tasks…take your time.

It was getting dark, so I came in. I’ll keep you posted on my progress and completion. But, don’t hold your breath.

Saturday:) A Salute To Statues

23 Apr

“As a sculptor sculpts a statue, an educator educates our future generation. Beauty depends on the creator.” ― Debasish Mridha

I’m a quirky kinda gal, if you haven’t guessed that already. I have my weird traditions and goofy superstitions. I’ve talked about saying “Our Fathers” and “Hail Marys” when I walk or can’t sleep. It keeps my mind from wandering to those dark painful places that I don’t want to go. When I find a lucky penny or feather, I look up to heaven and say thank you. A sign that someone up there is watching out for me.

One of my newer traditions is, when I take my daily walks around the neighborhood, and I pass the same houses, often several times a day, I have a ritual. Some new people moved in a couple of blocks away, and they have this neat statue of a soldier saluting. Yes, you guessed it… every time I pass the soldier, I have to salute.


Right next door, at Mr. VInce and Ms. Bernadine’s house, they have a statue of St. Francis. So, when I pass by their house, I say a little prayer. “Thank you St. Francis for protecting all the little creatures and animals.

A few houses away, there is an adorable statue of a winged fairy, usually surrounded by pretty flowers and greenery. I always say, “Thank you little fairy for watching over the other little fairies, gnomes, woodland and mythical creatures that hide all around us.” ( Anything is possible. Right?.) That’s for my friend Brenda who writes lovely poems and stories about fairies. 

Then, I get silly when I pass by this other house with this statue in the front yard. All I can think of is, “I wish I had some bacon! Maybe a BLT sandwich.” That’s the best I can come up with.

That’s my salute to statues.