Tag Archives: humor

Wednesday:) Celebrating Cinco de Mayo

6 May

“Cinco de Mayo is here! Let’s give ’em something to taco bout!”

Which Disney princess only comes out on Cinco de Mayo?
Taco Belle!

~allwording.com

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I remember on St. Patrick’s Day, I shared some Irish jokes that a few people thought were a bit much, mostly about drinking. Well, I think Cinco de Mayo has the same reputation with drinking and Mexican jokes, but that’s OK. I’m Mexican-American and I love margaritas and a good joke.

Contrary to popular belief, Cinco de Mayo (Fifth of May, for the Spanish impaired) is not Mexican Independence Day. It’s actually the day the Mexican Army won a shocking victory against invading French forces in 1862. Not only does the holiday commemorate a great military victory, but also celebrates Mexican unity in the face of overwhelming odds.

At least, that was the original idea. Today, Cinco de Mayo is much more popular in the United States than in Mexico. And while it’s nominally about honoring Mexican-American culture, let’s be honest – it’s Taco and Margarita Day as far as most people are concerned. (allwording.com)

I can’t remember the last time I made a margarita. Wait, yes I can… last year on Cinco de Mayo. I’m wearing the hand-stitched huipil that belonged to my mother. Gracias, mamasita.

Also, in honor of my heritage which is woven with wonderful traditions of celebrations, food, family, and sharing, I stopped over at my local Fire Station 9 to share some snacks for the occasion. You may recall, I was told last month that I couldn’t bring any more homemade goodies for a while, but prepackaged items were OK.

I put together a bag of different tortilla chips, beans, cheese, jalepeños, and of course, my favorite BERNARD’S Gourmet Foods Salsa. Also, a case of bottled water to wash it down with.

My little drop by visits are always appreciated, and I appreciate all our fire fighters do for us. Gracias!

Now, it’s getting late and my margarita is melting. I need a refill and some chips and … BERNARD’S Salsa.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Saturday:) My Cup Runneth Over~ Literally

1 May

23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Psalm 23

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I know sometimes I go on and on about my blessings, and maybe you’re getting tired of hearing it, or maybe you don’t believe me. But today, I was given a sign! “MY CUP RUNNETH OVER.”

I was making oatmeal in the microwave this morning. I told myself, “Do NOT step away from the microwave. You know how it always runneth over.” Well, needless to say, I did not heed my own advice. it runneth over.

My point being, I need to focus on what I know for a fact. “A watched pot never boils and an unwatched cup is gonna runneth over.”

I’ve been studying a lot of mind over matter, meditation and mindfulness, and the neuroscience of rewiring your brain. The basic concept I’ve learned, and I’m saving you hours and hours of studying… “When life gives you lemons, make margaritas.”

Instead of getting upset about the oatmeal, I told myself, “Well, you knew that was going to happen, so what did you learn and what do you do now.” Here’s an opportunity to clean up the microwave. Cool! When I decided to reheat the oatmeal later, I did not step away and watched it carefully and it didn’t runneth over again. I laughed at the situation instead of getting down on myself and felt blessed that I had more oatmeal if I needed some. A WIN-WIN. A lesson learned and I’m rewiring my brain to problem solve and be happier. THE END 🤗

Friday:) Furry, Feathered and Flowering Friends

1 May

“Friends and fun can be found everywhere if you just open your eyes.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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I have so many remarkable friends, especially of the humanoid version. But today, I found myself admiring the furry, feathered and flowering friends that grace my world.

I’ve been doggie sitting for little Bella for the past ten days, and she loves Miss Toni. When I’m sitting on the sofa, she lays up right up next to me, so close that I can’t even move my arm to type on my iPad. I have to pull up my left arm to free my elbow. She even follows me into the bathroom and into the closet. She’s so cute. She went home with Mr. Mike today, and I’m sure I’ll be looking around for her as the days go by.

After meeting some of my humanoid girlfriends for lunch today, I went for a nice long walk. 3 1/2 miles. We’ve had so much rain lately that I haven’t walked much. But, with the rain came lots of puddles and wet areas everywhere.

This lovely couple, Mr. and Mrs. Duck, were waddling around on my front lawn today. This is my yard! Why did the ducks cross the road? To visit Miss Toni, of course!

On my long walk, I stopped to admire the wild flowers that someone might call weeds. I thought they were beautiful, so I picked a few and put them in a little vase on my kitchen counter.

Some say weeds, I say beautiful yellow flowers.

Well, it is Friday. You know what that means!

Cheers! Happy Friday, my friends!

Wednesday:) What’s Up, Miss Toni? Not MULCH!

28 Apr

“There is an abandonment, an escape, that physical labor bestows.”
― Steven Gould

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As far back as I can remember, I’ve never been opposed to good hard physical labor. I’m not that strong, but if I can let out a big grunt and drag a bag of heavy rain soaked mulch from one place to another, I’m gonna do it.

I jokingly put in my tips from Toni last week, that if you leave your bags of mulch in front of your garage long enough, someone will offer to help. The truth is, I did have a couple of offers of help, but I like to do as much as I can on my own, while I’m still young and strong enough to do the hard work. (I take that back. I’m neither young nor strong. I should have said naive and stupid enough.)

I should have taken some before and after photos. I just have the after. I did have the neighbor’s landscaping guy dig out a couple of my dead bushes from in front. He only dug out two, thinking the one I had trimmed down that had a few baby shoots growing I wanted to save. Nope! So, a few days later, I tried to dig that last dead sucker out by myself. Holy Hannah! It took over an hour of grunting and cursing and digging and snipping to get that one little guy out. (These are just the bags left for the back yard.)

After I got that demon out, the big holes and dingy bare space was looking sad, so I decided to put down a few bags of mulch to spruce it up. I grunted and lifted and dragged each bag into place and slit each bag open with a knife and the precision of a fine surgeon. Not really, I spilled mulch all over me.

Look how awesome that looks. So satisfying when I look at it and say, “I did that!” My roses are in bloom and my big red condominium bird feeder attracts the birds. Cool!

While I was at it and the sun was slowly setting, I tackled the small space where I pulled out all the tall decorative grass that died with the killer winter frost. I added mulch and put my reclaimed flower box (Nextdoor neighbor threw out and I painted it) in front where it could be seen and appreciated. I’m going to get some other flowers, but I had to display the cute yellow plant that Miss Sherri gave me.

I bought some Scott black plastic edging that will have to wait for another day and more energy.

I worked until dark, and could barely straighten up without groaning. Later in the evening, I went out and saw the beautiful moon and admired my handiwork.

I am thankful for my strength, perseverance, my beautiful home, God’s great blessings and … TYLENOL!

Saturday:) Some Serious Diggin’! Can Ya Dig It?

25 Apr

“First law on holes – when you’re in one, stop digging!”

Denis Healey

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My week has been overly busy And stressful with procrastination and task avoidance, so today, I raised my hand in the air and vowed, “As God is my witness, I’m gonna do something productive today.” I slithered out of bed around 10am, listened to a podcast on healing the body and mind, talked on the phone some, walked the dog, and made some lunch around 2. The day halfway gone and my fisted vow still on my mind, I decided to do a little digging. Can ya dig it?

I started out back in the flower beds. Some very tall grass was gracefully growing where it shouldn’t, so I pulled out the clumps that popped out easily after all the rain. Then, I transplanted the clumps over by some bare spots along the back patio. Hopefully it will take and grow. I had several dry dead bushes and plants that didn’t make it through the bitter freeze we had this winter, so decided to dig them out today. How hard could it be? 🤦‍♀️ Well, these little bushes had deep thick roots that extended down to the depths of hell. Seriously!

I started out by trimming off the tall dead twiggy ends with the electric orange trimming thingy. At first I thought a spade would loosen things up, but don’t forget the roots from hell. So, the big spade shovel was used and the tall manual big branch snipper thingy cut the thick roots.
It took all my strength and putting all my weight into every crunchy dig. (And that’s a lot of weight!) My personal assistant inspected each hole to check for accuracy. Unfortunately, during her inspections, she uncovered a bunny nest. I heard some noise from across the yard that sounded like a squeaky toy. I knew she had no toys outside. OH NO! I ran over and a swarm of baby bunnies came racing from under her feet. I had to pick her up and take her into the house. She wanted those babies, and I don’t think it was to play hide and seek.
There was one remaining baby In the nest that looked injured in the corner under the drain spout. His little paw wiggling ever so slightly. It didn’t look promising. I built a little barricade of stones and some bushy roots to protect the baby from Bella. I hope the others made it to safety somewhere. They were so tiny.

Well, I got all my digging done out back. I still have ten bags of mulch out front for the front flower beds. I may have to get more on Monday for the back. Of course, those will sit there a long time too. Don’t forget, I have a MAP, Masters of the Art of Procrastination.

“First law on holes – when you’re in one, stop digging!”

Denis Healey

I need to stop digging holes, as I’m always in one.

Hopefully you are having a fine productive Saturday. Can ya dig it?

Tuesday:) Toni’s Tips for Today

21 Apr

“If at first you don’t succeed, try taking a nap.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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Well, I didn’t have time to take a nap today, but I wasn’t trying to succeed at anything special either. I fully intended on doing a time-lapse video, but I was running around all day, lunch with friends, went to the grocery store, listened to several podcasts, walked the dog, and had my church zoom meeting, then my sister called, and now it’s after 10 pm. Those videos always take me a couple of hours to put together. The funny part is, they usually run between 25-30 seconds in time-lapse. 🤦‍♀️

Instead, today I wanted to share one of my baking tips. If you have known me for a while, you already know this, but I was surprised when I told a couple of friends last week, they weren’t familiar with the bread trick.

My last brownie.

When I make brownies or cookies or cupcakes, I ALWAYS put a slice of fresh bread, (usually soft white) inside the covered container after baking. I just tear a slice in 1/4 and either place on top of non-frosted items or to the side of the Frosted baked goods.These brownies were made last week and this one is still as moist as the first day. Things stay moist for days. (I gave all the rest away except this one.) It works with keeping frosting from getting hard too. Hard cookies become soft. No more throwing away hard crunchy baked goods the next day or two. I bet you if I gave you a brownie I made today and one I made five days ago, you couldn’t tell the difference. (I am AMAZING!)

Another tip is, when you buy a trunk load of mulch for your yard, just pile up the bags by the front step and wait for someone to ask, “Do you need some help with that?” Well, so far it hasn’t worked, but I’m very patient and I’m a professional procrastinator.

Saving the best tip for last…

Yep! Toni’s BEST amazing tip for today!

Montage Monday:) A Week In a Pokey Peek

20 Apr

“It’s been a pretty slow uneventful week. If it wasn’t for procrastination, I wouldn’t have anything to look forward to.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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Wow, a slow week here in my little world. My iPad, “Master Mind” recordings and “Murder She Wrote” reruns are my constant companions. And, every time I say, “OK Google, what’s the temperature. Siri says, “It’s the same temperature as it was five minutes ago Miss Toni! Get a life!” NOT REALLY, but I know what she’s thinking. 🤦‍♀️

Here’s a week in a pokey peek…

I think I’ll have a glass of wine and mess with Siri for a while. Sometimes when I cuss, she says, “Now, now, is that any way to talk!”

Happy Monday my friends! 🤗

Sunday Sermon and Silver Sneakers

19 Apr

All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking. – Friedrich Nietzsche

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Today, back to watching Mass on TV in my pink polka dot pajamas. Just one of those days.

Today’s Gospel was the story of Jesus appearing to the disciples. They were frightened, but Jesus showed them his wounds and ate food to prove He was truly alive…

44Then he said to them, “These are my words which I spoke to you, while I was still with you, that everything written about me in the law of Moses and the prophets and the psalms must be fulfilled.” 45Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures, 46and said to them, “Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and on the third day rise from the dead, 47and that repentance and forgiveness of sins should be preached in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. 48You are witnesses of these things.

My take on it… Jesus proved His resurrection and opened their minds to understand so the disciples could continue preaching and sharing His word. **************

The rest of my Sunday was AMAZING! Just a beautiful cool sunny day. A day to reflect on my blessings and appreciate my friends, family and the world.

It’s always fabulous to FaceTime with my little girls.

I’ve been trying to break in my new silver sneakers. Today, they finally felt comfortable. I was able to walk so much faster.

When I got to this sign, I realized I better slow down so I wouldn’t get pulled over by the police for going faster than 25 M.P.H. (Ha, just kidding. I was probably only going 22 or 24.)

Another fine sunset.

Happy Sunday, my friends.

Saturday:) “Say Houston, We Have A Problem.”

18 Apr


“It is better to solve one problem five different ways, than to solve five problems one way.”
― George Pólya

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The other day, I was sitting quietly on the sofa watching tv when I heard a distant thud. It didn’t quite sound like it came from outside, where several houses were getting new roofs replaced after the recent hail storm. It sounded like it came from upstairs. Spooky. No one has been upstairs for days. so, I went up to investigate.

I walked around, and when I checked out my really neat and organized studio, formerly known as “the crap room,” I noticed a large glass vase on the floor. Hmm? Upon further investigation, I noticed one of my supposedly heavy duty shelves was leaning like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Oh no! If that would have come crashing down, it would have been UGLY!

I removed everything from all the shelves, and canvases, bottles, and glassware were scattered ALL over. Then, I proceeded to examine the situation and decided that the best thing to do was “do nothing.” The mess sat there for days while I procrastinated. I asked Sid to take a look at the shelf, and he noticed that a couple of the posts were really loose. So, we disassembled the unit and wrapped some masking tape around the loose posts and reassembled it. That seemed to do the trick.

Then, the empty shelves sat a few more days uNtil I had the inclination and energy to put everything back. The secret this time was, “don’t put anymore really heavy stuff of the top.” Duh!

I paint a lot of glassware, and a bunch of friends also have given me wine glasses and vases that they no longer want. They know I’ll turn them into something beautiful. BUT, where to store everything?

Let’s put everything back. Well not everything. I got a couple of large bins to store some of the heavier pieces on the other side of the room.

Well, I hope this works. So far, so good. I’ll let you know if I hear another thud, or God forbid, a big crash. 🤦‍♀️

After a couple of hours wrestling with that problem, it was time for an evening walk and to chase the sunset.

Happy Saturday, my friends.

Saturday:) Silly Sights and Sounds and Clouds

28 Mar


“It’s okay to be absurd, ridiculous, and downright irrational at times; silliness is sweet syrup that helps us swallow the bitter pills of life.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich

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I went out for my evening walk, and as I cut through the park, Miss Kathy’s cute new little kitten decided to impede my journey. He’s only met me a few times, but he decided he was my new best friend. Hard to walk with kitten slippers.

His companion Juno sauntered over and wanted to see what all the fun was about.

I only had to shoo them back home a couple of times. I didn’t want them to follow me across the street. I walked over 3 miles.

What a lovely evening. It was 80 degrees, not too windy, and a few clouds playing with the sunset. I always see strange shapes and figures in the clouds.

It was clearer on my first lap around, but today, I saw an “alligator running from a crocodile.”

Do you know how to tell the difference between and alligator and a crocodile????? Here’s how….

An ALLIGATOR, you are going to see LATER. And a CROCODILE, you’re going to see AFTER WHILE. Just sayin’ ! That’s one of my favorite jokes. You can tell I don’t get out much.

Here’s hoping you had a great Saturday. And I bet you’re going to borrow my alligator joke, aren’t you?