Tag Archives: Sports Widow Syndrome

Sanctimonious Sunday

21 Jan

SWS is a very serious affliction plaguing the country this time of year, especially on Sundays. It’s not Swine Flu or any other form of influenza. No, it’s Sports Widow Syndrome, and it has hit all time epidemic proportions. Severe and debilitating side-effects may include charge card trigger finger, excessive chocolate consumption, red wine whining, shortness of breath, and depression with occasional thoughts of manslaughter.

If you experience any of these symptoms, call a girlfriend or female family member immediately. Do not attempt to drive while under the influence of a three margarita lunch, a shopping frenzy at the mall, or if chocolate overdose is suspected. Notify your sister or a neighbor as soon as possible if you start sharpening all the kitchen knives and meat cleavers or start frantically scouring the drawers for the gun safe key.

Remember that Sunday is a sacred day. It’s a time for prayer, meditation, and reflection. If fourteen hours of consecutive pre-game, post-game, regulation and over-time madness is just too much to handle, hopefully there is another television somewhere in the house. Make some microwave popcorn and settle in with the Hallmark or Lifetime Channel. It certainly beats life in prison. But then again, they don’t have televised football, basketball, baseball or hockey in maximum security.

20130120-210939.jpg